Easter carries shameful reminders of my drinking past
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A Sober and Strong Mom:
Exploring Life Without Alcohol
A Mother's Journey
"It's all meant to bring you home, to remind you who you are, how to love, and how to never leave again."
- Laura McKowen
A Sober and Strong Mom blog serves as a healthy vessel of discovery.
To return home. To find freedom. To reclaim joy.
Join me in navigating motherhood, parenting and marriage.
Walk along beside me as I wander this beautiful, newly discovered sober life.
I am not a big fan of holidays in general. I realized yesterday that I have had a dull headache all week, and that is likely because I have been carrying a bit of stress in my shoulders. I think it is because it is Easter weekend. I feel a lot of pressure to make the holiday special for the kids and at the same time it reminds me of how I used to drink to cope with this stress. And Easter still brings a tiny bit of shame for me. Easter has always been a holiday filled with dr
- Jan 10, 2022
- 3 min
I Still Think About Alcohol
Parker, my seven year old, had a rough day yesterday, which in turn made my day a hard one as well. I questioned my ability to parent, on so many levels. I questioned my sanity. And at the same time I found myself even briefly thinking about booze at one point. I looked at her and wondered how I created such a possessed creature. This beautiful little child had turned on me. She was acting manipulative. Spoiled. Ungrateful. I had run out of tricks. She was downright mean. By
- Jan 7, 2022
- 3 min
There is no better feeling than listening to the insulated quiet of the first snowfall of the season. The brightness, the peace and serenity that it brings. The solitude that descends upon us is unlike anything you experience. There is already a lightness when the kids wake, knowing school was called last night. We are tucked away for the day, hibernating like the world is ending in our little corner of the earth. Which feels slightly true, given the covid numbers around here
- Jan 2, 2022
- 3 min
I was never a big fan of Dry January. Or Sober October. Or any designated period of time that forced me to question how much alcohol I was drinking on a daily basis. I know now that Dry January is a great way to tell how dependent one has become on this deadly substance, and in retrospect, I realize I had my own thing going on because I wasn't ready to face some personal pain that I was avoiding and the struggles I was dealing with. Alcohol was the easiest way out back then.
- Jan 1, 2022
- 3 min
How Do you Plan to Tackle 2022?
Happy New Year! For 2022, I plan to take a more mindful approach to my days, knowing that slowing down, breathing and staying in the moment will be key for me. I recently read an article about how to connect more mindfully with yourself and thought some of these tips resonated with me. I took a few ideas and came up with my own plan. Maybe they will be helpful to you. Observe is my intentional word for 2022. My goal is to move away from judgement and to stay in the moment. Mi
- Dec 27, 2021
- 3 min
When Your Husband Drinks From the OJ Container
Glennon Doyle describes facing your hard feelings in a way that I can relate to really well. She talks about her feelings being like doorbells suddenly ringing and interrupting your life, causing fear and panic. Picture the delivery truck pulling up and ringing your door, what happens once the mailman or UPS guys leaves? You are left with a nice little package. This is how it feels once you sit in the difficult feelings you so often want to run from. So when you feel sad, ang
- Nov 27, 2021
- 2 min
One Year Sober
A year ago today, I woke up early in the morning around 5AM and laid awake in my bed with an awful hangover. Grey light filtered into the room, casting a gloomy glow across the floor. I fought off nausea as my head throbbed, and I tossed and turned, cycling through the familiar shame and self-loathing I often felt by the end of my drinking days. We didn't do much the night before. We had been home with the kids, but I drank a lot. We ordered pizza, but I didn't eat much. Phys
- Nov 26, 2021
- 3 min
The Last Day I Drank.
One year ago today, I had my last drink. On that day, I was a stranger to myself. Up until that moment, I felt a darkness in my life that pervaded every ounce of my being. Most days, I lived inside a feeling of perpetual gloom, allowing alcohol to dictate my worth. On the outside, I appeared self-assured and at ease with myself, but on the inside I was falling apart. I felt as if I existed nearly everyday at the bottom of a deep, shadowy hole in the earth, staring up at the
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