When Your Husband Drinks From the OJ Container
Updated: Jan 10
Glennon Doyle describes facing your hard feelings in a way that I can relate to really well. She talks about her feelings being like doorbells suddenly ringing and interrupting your life, causing fear and panic. Picture the delivery truck pulling up and ringing your door, what happens once the mailman or UPS guys leaves? You are left with a nice little package. This is how it feels once you sit in the difficult feelings you so often want to run from. So when you feel sad, angry, scared - it is easy to want to avoid this. Run away even. But, it is best to just open the door and face it - because there is a spectacular package waiting for you. I relate to this metaphor so well.
I am not a huge fan of when the doorbell rings, because I usually am unprepared and don't have a bra on. I panic for a moment and the dogs starts barking uncontrollably, which makes my blood pressure spike. Sometimes I even go so far as feeling annoyed at the intruder.
But I know that once I slip a bra on, sprint to the door and sign for the package, I feel relief and excitement. And once the Amazon truck pulls away, Bunker stops barking and I fling my bra across the room again, I feel excited. As soon as I place the big brown box full of a new swiffer wipes, dish towels or whatever other random purchases I made online the day before, the world is right again. A swell of excitement builds as I peel open the cardboard box and pull out the items from deep inside the bubble wrap, discovering the secrets from within, because I can never remember what I actually bought.
Similarly, when I am feeling sad or angry or whatever other emotion, I know that these feelings that interrupt me throughout my day like little, tiny doorbells will eventually bring me something if I deal with them. If I face the anger and irritation that I am feeling towards my husband for drinking from the OJ container rather than sitting with the resentment for another day, then I am left feeling so much better. Rather than hiding from a confrontation, like I would hide from the Fedex delivery man behind the couch, I sit down and tell my husband what is bothering me.
"We must lead by example, Evan," I tell him. "It really upsets me when you drink from the OJ container. This is why Brayden drinks from the milk jug all the time. This is gross. The kids are always watching us."
I communicate where I am and how I feel, instead of burying my anger deep down. After getting it out in the open, the gift I am given is an incredible feeling of relief. Evan and I discuss proper drinking methods, which cups are appropriate to use and how best to approach the OJ container in the future. We kiss and hug and move on, and I am left feeling joy and not stewing in my anger over having acquired a fourth child for the rest of the day. This is almost as exciting as getting a stack of hand delivered Christmas cards from the mailman.
This is a small example of what it is like to just confront and deal with things rather than bury feelings deep within. Communication is important obviously, but this can be applied to dealing with your own feelings and talking to yourself as well. So often in the past, I used alcohol to escape feeling anything. Whenever I would start to feel sad, I would drink. Whenever I wanted to have fun, I would drink. I didn't know how to feel without a drink in hand. Learn to face those doorbells - those interrupting feelings without alcohol, and you will be left with incredible little packages to open!
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