Brayden has been a huge source of stress for me lately. He challenges me throughout my days, arguing and lashing out at unpredictable moments at his siblings and is in general just pissed off. A lot of people try to make me feel better by telling me it's the age or most kids are like this because of Covid. Friends reassure me that their kids argue over screen time or I read articles about the normalcy behind siblings rivalries. This satisfies me for a short while, but then t

I am back talking to Ronni again. After a great chat today, I have been able to ascertain that I do in fact have a lot of anger. I am pissed at a lot of people. I also am lacking in my ability to trust others, as she believes the fact that my parents were unable to provide ways for me to feel like I could trust them as a child has led me to feel like I cannot trust others now. So many people in my life have let me down that I feel there are few that I can lean on anymore. I a

Recently on a walk with Jen she asked me why I am so scared to talk to my mom about my sobriety. I walked along side her for a moment or two contemplating this question and I didn’t have an answer. I couldn’t figure out why. At first I said I thought it would be awkward and weird to verbalize it to her. I said we never talk on the phone in person these days. I said I just don’t feel like dealing with it so it feels exhausting to go there. But it occurred to me just last night

In the TLC meeting today, Eric said his word of 2021 is freedom. This reminded me that this was my chosen word, but I haven't been allowing myself to feel free these last few weeks. I have been dragged down by so much and not experiencing the freedom that this journey has been providing me. I have been angry. Angry at my kids, angry at my family and friends. Angry that this is my thing. Why do I have all of this shit? Lots of resentment, irritation and anger towards so many.

I have a whole lot on my mind today. It's like the fog has been lifted again. Perhaps this was due to a few nights of bad sleep, but last night I slept 9 hours and I feel a bit normal again. I attended the TLC newcomers meeting this morning and some of the ladies shared some things that got me thinking. These meetings are about holding ourselves accountable. "Relief is temporary, freedom is forever." This was something Vanessa said to us this morning and I really appreciated

I am confident and feeling strong in my recovery, but things are still not easy. I finished "This Naked Mind" which was eye opening and truly made me realize that I am in fact on the very best path. Annie Grace says, "When we want something to change in our lives, we usually start with a conscious decision. However, drinking is no longer a fully conscious choice in your life. Therefore, when you make a conscious decision to drink less, it's almost impossible to adhere to that

I recently connected with my big sister through Sober Mom Squad. Heather is three years sober and seems to have her feet on the ground. She is 52 and has two older kids in high school and college. It was great to FaceTime with Heather the other night. She made me feel cared for and seen, during a time when I have been feeling a little off. Especially these last couple of days. She has continued to check in on me, which is more than others have done these last few months. I do