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Kimberly Kearns

A Sober and Strong Mom:

Exploring Life Without Alcohol

A Mother's Journey

"It's all meant to bring you home, to remind you who you are, how to love, and how to never leave again."

- Laura McKowen

A Sober and Strong Mom blog serves as a healthy vessel of discovery.

To return home. To find freedom. To reclaim joy.

Join me in navigating motherhood, parenting and marriage.

Walk along beside me as I wander this beautiful, newly discovered sober life.

How to show self-compassion

2 days ago

Did you drink while breastfeeding?

7 days ago

Shame Spirals

Aug 7

2 Big Milestones

Jul 30

Reentry and vacation reflections

Jul 27

Connections on this side... December 29, 2020

Kim

Dec 29, 2020
2 min

Friendships

Connections on this side... December 29, 2020

Today someone reached out to me on Instagram, through my new secret sober mom's account. This is my new account that has been acting as another outlet, similar to blogging, but like a journal and a way for me to really connect with the sober community. I am able to look at other sober influencers and post my own thoughts and feelings, without anyone I really know seeing me in this new found role as "sober mom." I can really explore what it feels like without people know it is

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That last day, 30 days ago... December 29, 2020

Kim

Dec 29, 2020
3 min

Milestones

That last day, 30 days ago... December 29, 2020

I manage to kick my other golf shoe off and stumble into the kitchen, kissing each child on the top of their heads, avoiding eye contact with the babysitter. Evan makes small talk and I busy myself with some dishes in the sink. ‘She knows I’m drunk, she knows I’m drunk,’ I think to myself. ‘Must act sober. Must act sober.’ I attempt to ask the kids how the afternoon went and what they did but my voice sounds overly excited and shrilly, words slurred despite my best effort. Ev

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Kim

Dec 28, 2020
3 min

Family

Mom... December 28, 2020

As I go through my days, I go through all the feelings. I am told it is part of the healing process. But I feel everything. Happiness, anger, frustration, pride. It is a constant cycle of emotions. And throughout it all, I have not shared any of what I am going through with my mom. I am over four weeks sober, and to her this is all a secret I am keeping. With the daily texts and calls, I remain silent about all of this. I have grown to despise secrets. Yet, I continue to keep

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First outing, in more ways than one... December 27, 2020

Kim

Dec 27, 2020
2 min

Friendships

First outing, in more ways than one... December 27, 2020

I had my first event out with friends last night, which was the paddle party at our club. And it ended up being pretty enjoyable. I brought my own seltzer, and I came prepared mentally ready to duck out whenever I got uncomfortable. It was absolutely freezing cold, so I immediately got on the paddle courts and began to play with a group of ladies, which was a good distraction for me. The conversation felt easy and natural with the people I chatted with, most of them knowing n

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Alcohol and the brain... December 26, 2020

Kim

Dec 26, 2020
2 min

Realizations

Alcohol and the brain... December 26, 2020

The podcast Sober Powered has been informative and inspiring for me these last few weeks. It has been helpful with coming to terms with my situation while also not berating myself and letting the shame take over. Gill breaks things down in terms of basic science but also relates these facts to her personal experiences. And her story is a lot like mine. Like me, she was unable to moderate her drinking, and like me, she suffered from intense blackouts. Also, she is from the Bo

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Holiday shame and guilt... December 23, 2020

Kim

Dec 23, 2020
2 min

Holidays

Holiday shame and guilt... December 23, 2020

Preparing for the holidays with the kids, and only a few days before Christmas, I think back on the last several years and consider what I have been through and put my family through. All the drinking, all the hangovers, all the naps and wishing the days would end. I do have regrets for the things I have done during this time of year. But my focus this week and in the years ahead is to work on moving beyond the shame. Finding the freedom in the newness of sobriety. I want to

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Kim

Dec 22, 2020
1 min

Freedom

Intentional words... December 22, 2020

Many of the meetings I have been attending lately have us thinking about words of intention. Words to keep in mind for the new year. Ideas to focus on as we head into 2021. This is such a big year for me as I start the year sober, so I am excited and hopeful. When asked what the one word would be for me, I few different words came to mind. Peace, fortitude, strength, calm... but then I decided... Free. I am free from alcohol. Free to explore myself. Free to explore this new m

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A childhood friendship... December 18, 2020

Kim

Dec 19, 2020
16 min

Childhood

A childhood friendship... December 18, 2020

I met her in Mrs. Williamson's kindergarten class at the North Street School in Greenwich, CT. I remember being in awe of Megan from an early age. She had a confidence about her and she knew things I didn't know. She was silly and smart. She would play spy games with me, climb trees and play Barbies too. She told me things my sisters never had the guts to say to me. We were inseparable from the beginning and was the sister I always needed. She was the first person to tell me

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Secrets and blackouts... December 18, 2020

Kim

Dec 18, 2020
3 min

Shame

Secrets and blackouts... December 18, 2020

My mind seems to be brimming with ideas everyday and going in lots of different directions. I don't know the point of this post, except to get things off my chest. I feel like perhaps that is because I am carrying so much around with me at all times. I am so consumed at all times by this journey through sobriety. My husband asked me the other day if this is all I think about and I laughed. My mind doesn't turn off. Sobriety has even begun to devour my dreams. And I think I kn

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No regrets, keeping the focus, still less than 30 days... December 17, 2020

Kim

Dec 17, 2020
4 min

Realizations

No regrets, keeping the focus, still less than 30 days... December 17, 2020

"When was the last time you woke up and wished you'd had just one more drink the night before? I have never regretted not drinking. Say this to yourself, and you'll get through anything." - Meredith Bell This is a good reminder. I have been hangover free for 18 days and it feels damn good. It was another productive day and the kids were even home because of a snow day. They were on zooms most of the day, which allowed me some time to read by the fire, but I am realizing that

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Why do you want to quit drinking? ... December 14, 2020

Kim

Dec 14, 2020
4 min

Emotions

Why do you want to quit drinking? ... December 14, 2020

http://www.sobrieteaparty.com/2016/06/15/whats-your-why/ : This was the topic on the Sober Mom Squad today. This is a post from this blog that was read at today's meeting, and I can relate to it so much: "What’s Your Why? This morning, while chatting with one of my clients, she asked, “How do I cope with the guilt of setting myself up for failure by not following through with a set goal?”. I believe she was actually experiencing shame, not guilt. (My homegirl, Brene Brown h

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Kim

Dec 14, 2020
3 min

Holidays

The holidays... December 14, 2020

I have been reading a lot about how to prepare for the holidays, as well as listening to many different types of podcasts. I am obviously knee dip in the holidays already and doing pretty well with it all, I think. I am proud of how I have been dealing with everything so far. There are just so many triggers around every corner. I think overall, I have navigated the last two weeks pretty well though. I knew when I started this journey 15 days ago, that it wasn't going to be ea

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The Pregnancy Principle... December 14, 2020

Kim

Dec 14, 2020
2 min

Milestones

The Pregnancy Principle... December 14, 2020

The hardest part of being sober is feeling like you are missing out. Knowing that your friends are gathering together without you. Saying no to social gatherings, because you know you cannot handle being there with alcohol around you. Fortunately, right now, I know there isn't a lot going on because of Covid. I picked a perfect time to get sober, because my friends really aren't doing much right now. Laura McKowen talks about 'The Pregnancy Principle' in her book "We Are The

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Kim

Dec 10, 2020
4 min

Emotions

Ronni... December 10, 2020

I just spoke to my new therapist, Ronni, for the first time. Wow that was eye opening. We discussed a lot of things. We dove into my past - my family history, my parents, my mom and dad, my sister, Colby, Dana Hall, Evan... everything. I told her the story of when my dad up and left my mom one day after she was visiting her dad in NH for the weekend. He cleaned out his closet, dresser drawers, took paintings off the walls, and left a note on her dresser. She came home to an e

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Kim

Dec 10, 2020
2 min

Shame

Shame... December 10, 2020

I mentioned briefly to my two sober companions here in Needham about my need to do something in our community. They both had their guard up immediately, and I could feel their nervousness about putting themselves out there. They each expressed their concerns with allowing their stories to get out there, what it would look like to others - teachers, schools, former colleagues, etc. I feel this so much. I get this. I have been grappling with this immensely. And this is exactly

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Kim

Dec 10, 2020
4 min

Early sobriety

6 questions... December 10, 2020

Who are you? I am a mother, a wife, a friend, an athlete... and a little bit lost but slowly finding my way. What brought you to sobriety? I have talked a lot about this already, but it has been years of struggling to get my drinking under control. Years of attempting to moderate it and being unable to control it. Years of lying to myself, my family and friends. Finally acknowledging that there is a part of me that I cannot control - a voice, an urge, an addiction, whatever y

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Kim

Dec 9, 2020
3 min

Realizations

Selflessness... December 9, 2020

I always get super motivated after doing a peloton ride with Ally Love. She talked about the virtue of selflessness today and the need to do something for others to make yourself a better, more whole person. Again, she spoke to me. I thought about how I have been doing so much for myself these past two weeks, but how I would like to be able to help others experience what I have been feeling. I know I am early in my recovery and I am probably on the pink cloud, but I can't sto

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Kim

Dec 9, 2020
2 min

Quit Lit

Unexpected joy... December 9, 2020

One of the many books that I am reading right now has me thinking again about that addict's voice inside my head. It has been quieter this week, but that's not to say she won't pipe up and start rearing her ugly head again in a day, this weekend, a week, or in a month. The "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober," by Catherine Gray, talks about AVRT, addictive voice recognition therapy, and being able to identify that voice openly and honestly. Personify the addiction, give it a n

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Kim

Dec 8, 2020
4 min

Emotions

Sobriety Corps... December 8, 2020

I listened in on a TLC meeting yesterday when I was out running errands, and I heard a wonderful speaker named Kim Palombo talk for about 25 minutes about her experience with sobriety. Her story sounded eerily similar to mine; she started drinking early in high school. She is a teacher, a mom, and she ramped up her drinking in early motherhood. She started blacking out more and more, forgetting important conversations with friends, forgetting conversations with her husband in

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Kim

Dec 7, 2020
3 min

Mothering

Quiet... December 7, 2020

The kids are on the bus, and I embark on my first full week with them in school, sober. I have a renewed energy after this weekend. I did it. I made it though my first weekend without alcohol, and I feel amazing. I'm proud of myself, and not to mention, I feel really physically awesome. Sleep is getting better, albeit I am still having weird dreams, but my energy levels are up, my headaches are down and my overall attitude is positive. I am happy. In the past, most Mondays ha

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Boston, MA

kbkearns@gmail.com

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Kimberly Kearns

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