Yesterday I received a call from the principal regarding my son's behavior at school. It was an eye opening conversation, and I ended the day exhausted and frustrated. I feel like I am doing so much to be there for my kids these days, but sometimes it feels like everything I am doing is just not enough. Brayden is eleven years old, in fifth grade and learning to push the boundaries more so than ever. He has always been our more challenging child, as he is smart, intuitive and

I have had sweaty hands and feet since as long as I can remember. I always used the phrase, "I am an anxious person." I used it as an excuse to myself and to others when I didn't want to do something, when I doubted myself or when I felt intimidated by a situation. By the end of my drinking, this was multiple times a day. My friends and I used to joke about our anxious feelings and the fact that motherhood made us this way. Our kids amplified our worries and fried our nerves.

I think that some people in my world still view my sobriety as a problem that I should be ashamed of. They treat me as if I am damaged. Instead of looking at what I have done as a choice to better myself, they pity me. In their eyes, I let my life get too out of control, so this is what I get. "Sucks for her." Many people think sobriety is a punishment for not being able to control my drinking. Or for not taking better care of myself. Or for not being more responsible over th

Yesterday, it occurred to me at one point that it was a big drinking day. Evan reminded me that it was the start of March Madness as well. He said that the beginning of it sometimes falls on 3/17 which was always a fun excuse to sit around and drink even more. In college or law school, he said they would sit in the pubs all day drinking and watching basketball. I remember living in the city right after Colby and wanting to do something fun on this day, because it was such a d

I happened to look at the app today that calculates how many days sober I am. 470 days. When I think about the last year, 3 months and 13 days, all I feel is grateful. That is usually the word that comes to mind when I reflect on my progress. I am so happy for the choice I made to stop drinking. Not a day goes by where I wish I still participated in that lifestyle. I never regret getting sober. Everyday, when I was still actively drinking, I lived with regrets. I woke up each

I don’t often feel the anxiety build in my stomach anymore when walking into a room full of people I don’t know. I don’t usually question my ability to speak in front of a group of my peers like I used to. I don’t get the nervous sweats at the thought of going out to dinner with a large group of friends. These things used to happen to me all the time before I stopped drinking, which is why I needed a cocktail before I went out in the evenings. I was an anxious mess all the ti

My therapist tells me this a lot. I try to understand what she means, and most of the time I think I am listening to her. Some of what she says goes in one ear and out the other though, I am not going to lie. I think I am internalizing her words, but more times than not I forget what she says right after she says them. Today, I started to think about what she might mean about the truth setting me free. I believe I do a pretty good job of telling the truth on this blog. I am n