I officially have been sober the longest I have ever in my adult life. 9 months. This is the most amount of time that I have gone without alcohol in my body since I was 15. The most days spent not using a cancer causing substance to just feel. A substance that I relied on to get me through the days of my life. Over the past 23 years, I used this substance to avoid truly feeling. That was how I experienced my life. I didn't know how else to do things without it. I drank to fee

I peel open my left eye and look around the dimly lit room. A sliver of sunlight shines in through the curtain next to me, allowing me to recognize that this is in fact my bedroom. I lay still for a moment, allowing the objects around me to come into focus. I see the outline of the foot of my bed, the chair nearby and the TV hung on the wall across the room. Yes, thank god. This is my room. I roll over onto my side ever so slightly, head throbbing, my hair spread across my fo

I took a writing workshop today through Grubstreet, and I ended up feeling so excited and empowered afterwards. I shared some of my work and came out feeling invigorated and motivated to keep going with the projects I am working on. Writing soothes my soul and works to not only act as a therapeutic tool, but it has become something that I crave and value immensely. It is healing. And it gives me one of the greatest sense of achievements within myself. I am so grateful to have

This Sunday we visited my family in NH and celebrated my mom's birthday at the lake we used to go to when I was a child. Going back to a place that I spent weekends visiting with my parents and sisters when I was a little girl was emotional and brought up a lot of feelings. We took a boat ride by the house my parents used to own together, called Windwood. My sister and her husband happened to know the new owners that currently live there, so we were able to walk inside and se

My Friday evenings look quite different now these days. It struck me tonight as I popped open my can of seltzer. I realized that what I am doing is such a strong contrast to my life nearly nine months ago. Before in my drinking days, by this time of night, I would be settled into the couch with a bottle of wine, ready to numb out. On a night like tonight, I would be well on my way to getting drunk likely having been with friends in the afternoon already at the pool or at some

As I continue down this road of sobriety, there are good days and bad. Recently, I have been feeling a little low, as I have come to realize that there are people in my life that are just not who I thought they were. I have been forced to really come to terms with what to do with that in recent weeks and it has been disappointing to say the least. I am so grateful that I have a husband who has been supportive and loving me every step of the way. Evan has said to me numerous t

I listened to a podcast this morning, "Getting Your Sh*t Together," and Cynthia talked about whether or not you should allow yourself to be defined be your recovery. Do you want people to only think of you for this? Down the road, do you want to be remembered for your sobriety and that alone? Is that the story you want to tell? I believe that if you are being your most authentic self and doing what makes you happy, then you will hopefully find joy in being you, and to me that

I think back to the way I used to spent my weekends 8 months ago, and it is mind boggling to remember how wasteful the days were. Ignoring my children while I laid in bed nursing a hangover, hiding from the guilt that overwhelmed me. Replaying the scenes from the night before, often anxiously trying to piece things together and shamefully telling myself I won't drink that much next time. I hated Sundays. I used to feel resentment towards everyone around me, because I usually