I originally started out by writing this book as a way of processing all sorts of things that happened to me. But I decided to publish this book, because I felt that by telling my story to the world - I might help someone else. I wanted to pay it forward. I believe that by putting myself out there in the most vulnerable way possible, by showing my most authentic and honest experiences, I can possibly carve a path for other mother's who struggle just as I once did.
I have embraced who I am. I have accepted all my past imperfections and worked through my traumas. I do not hide from them anymore. I do not numb myself anymore with booze. I feel that I am living my most authentic life, because I have let go of who this world expects me to be. I am just me. And I am finally happy. I feel true joy. I am grateful for everything I have learned.
As Brene Brown said, "Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance."
I have accepted myself and who I am, and I am not scared of how others look at me. I am proud of myself, and I want my children to see that in me. And now I want to share this with the world, because I believe I can help people. Being authentic doesn't always feel safe, but it is a hell of a lot better than the uncontrollable fear of being addicted to alcohol.
I have made the choice to be honest, for my children and husband. I am allowing myself to be seen for the first time in a long time.
With this book, I am being the most vulnerable I have ever been. But with this kind of vulnerability, comes such joy. I feel so much clarity. So much purpose. I understand my mission. I need to remind myself though how to stay present and practice compassion for myself and others. I must allow myself some grace though, as I approach this next, anxiety packed week before my book launch. I need to stay the course and remind myself though why I am here.
And as Brene also said, "Authenticity is also about the courage and the vulnerability to say, "Yeah, I'll try it. I feel pretty uncomfortable and I feel a little vulnerable, but I'll try it!"
So here is another excerpt from my book to keep us all going on the path of vulnerability and to stay present in my commitment to authenticity...
On the Edge of Shattered, page 105:
"On that idyllic campus atop Mayflower Hill, we told ourselves many lies. Looming far above an old run-down mill town in the middle of rural Maine, it was here that I began to lose my footing. In those early days of my freshman year, my friends and I all found comfort and confidence inside a bottle of alcohol. We were freshmen girls just looking for fun. I was six hours away from the secure bubble of my hometown of Greenwich, the only other home I’d ever known. At the immature age of eighteen, I was just trying to find my way."
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