Accepting our own journeys
Updated: Apr 19
A friend told me recently that she only quit drinking because she watched me stop before her. She finally found the courage because she saw that I could do it. She watched me put myself out there and tell my story. One morning, something clicked for her. She was finally able to look in the mirror and face the truth, after months of reading the things I had been posting about. For her, everything began to fall into place and make sense - after years of ignoring the voice in her head and the many red flags about her concern for herself. She finally admitted that alcohol no longer provided anything positive in her life anymore. There was no rock bottom and no major issue for her that led her to quit. But she realized that alcohol was no longer serving her. And she is living a much happier, more fulfilling life over a year later. I have had many people tell me this, and stories like this make me so happy that I have been public with my experience. I am grateful that I wrote my book, because I know I will continue to inspire others everyday.
There was a time when I was still drinking when it felt like I didn't have a direction or purpose. I didn't feel like I could offer much of anything to anyone. I was proud of being a mother, but I longed to experience something deeper. I was happy to be home with my children, but I needed to be more than just someone who drove the carpool, folded the laundry and prepped dinner.
Today, I am sober. I am an author. I am a podcaster. I am a writer. And I am still a mother, but I am a much better mother. Today, I am so much more than I used to be. Everyday, I feel like I am giving to a community of people, and that is more fulfilling than any day back when I was drinking.
I listen to every single one of you that reaches out to me. I respond to all who contact me - from all over the world. Every single person that is inspired and seeking comfort and understanding, I hear you. I continue to post and write for each one of you. And I love connecting with everyone. Please continue to write to me - it is the highlight of this experience in every way.
I do not write about my struggles with alcohol to point out the flaws in others, to throw my anger at the alcohol industry or to point out the fact that there are people out in this world that still drink. Talking to Julia Dzafic, from Lemonstripes, last week - we both agreed and had an open and heartfelt discussion - that even though we want to help the friends and loved ones that still struggle with alcohol, we can only focus on our journey and our journey alone.
We must accept the role we have played in our stories and our lives only. I wrote my book to help me recognize the toxic role that alcohol had in my life. I wrote about my relationships with the people in my life to illuminate just how badly things got in my head due to the substance - it spiraled completely out of control for me. And me alone. I was lost. I was drowning. I was on the edge of shattering my life into pieces, and it was my responsibility to face it all.
I hope that if you are someone that feels exactly as I did, on Monday mornings, lost, scared and completely helpless - staring at the mirror and wondering if there is another way - please know that there is. By publicly writing about my experiences, I am in no way blaming anyone from my past except myself. But by writing my story - I was hoping to help others. By putting myself out there, today and everyday going forward, I am quietly firing a flair gun for all those that are still suffering as well. If that is you, silently hating yourself, lost in a spiral of shame from drinking, wondering if there is more - please reach out for help. I am here - just know that there are other options for you.
I am so grateful that on this Monday morning, I am not secretly trying to mask my hangover from my husband, or lie to myself anymore about where my life is headed, or question what kind of a mother I am. I am not hating myself or an anxious, depressed mess. I am safe. I am happy. I am sober.
Not everyone may understand my journey, but by telling my truth in order to save countless others just like me, I know that I am doing good in this world. So please reach out. I am here for you. Life can be so much easier and less painful.