An Excerpt from On the Edge of Shattered, by Kimberly Kearns
The Semi-Naked Dance (2000): Eighteen Years Old
Blacking out was a regular occurrence for me. It happened almost every single weekend at Colby and continued well into adulthood. Memories sometimes came back to me in chunks the next morning, but I often lost entire portions of my night—blocks of hours gone, that I’ll never get back no matter how hard I fight my brain to locate them. Moments in time evaporated into the cold Maine air.
We started by pregaming in my dorm room. I loved to host the party, and people always came to my room. It was the ultimate gathering spot.
“Shots!” I yelled as Mandy lined up the glasses.
Marisa poured the handle of Smirnoff Vodka across the row.
With the music of Nelly playing through the speakers on top of the closet shelf, we scooped up the shots, swallowed them fast, and cheered loudly. Immediately afterward, I grabbed a handful of crackers as my solid chaser.
“Who wants another one?” I called, arranging the next round, the confidence and excitement building in my chest.
“We need more solid chasers! More cereal!” I emptied a box of Chex onto my desk in front of my laptop while simultaneously fiddling with Napster. We often blasted the same three songs on repeat until we were all sufficiently drunk.