There have been lots of new visitors to my blog recently, so I wanted to take a moment to say hello and explain a bit about myself.
I am a writer.
And I have recently found the courage to finally call myself that after many years of struggling to be brave enough to be anything more just plain old me. Anything more than just a stay at home mom, which is a big job in itself. But I am finally doing something that I feel proud of and passionate about.
I write because to me writing brings me immense joy and gratitude. I talked a little about it with my husband on this week’s podcast episode on The Weekend Sober, but there is always more to say. https://anchor.fm/kim-kearns/episodes/What-does-Kims-husband-Evan-have-to-say-e1bktt4
I came to realize that for many years of my adult life, before I quit drinking, I lived in a state of immature, self-obsessed ungratefulness. I was not aware of the precious, beautiful pieces of my life. I loved my husband and my children, and I thought I was happy, but I did not have the emotional maturity to truly express an appreciation for what I had. And what I have is so incredible. A husband. Three kids. A good life. Alcohol kept me in a decrepit, low state for too long, incapable of seeing and feeling. I felt angry, resentful and bitter for various reasons, because alcohol kept me in a cycle of self-loathing that I couldn't escape. It kept me hidden and immobile. It cast a dark cloud over this world.
"Gratitude is a recognition of value independent of monetary worth. Spontaneously generated from within, it is an affirmation of goodness and warmth. This social emotion strengthens relationships, and its roots run deep in evolutionary history—emanating from the survival value of helping others and being helped in return." -www.psychologytoday.com
Once I eliminated alcohol from my life, I began to find real joy and experience a feeling of genuine gratitude. I discovered this when I realized my writing was helping others. I began to see value in my words, not just as therapy for myself but as a way to connect with others and give people hope, understanding and to make them feel less alone.
I became engaged with writing when it actually took me away from my own struggles and in turn allowed me to build positive relationships with others for the first time in a very long time. Instead of all the cynicism and defeatism coming at me, there was light and positivity.
I began to lose myself in my writing on a regular basis, and saw that I was healing myself. I was setting small goals and achieving them. Hours would go by and the words would pour out of me.
This passion gave me a purpose, and I felt good about my accomplishments. This brought me closer to myself everyday. And every day, I stayed sober.
It has been a lonely walk at times, and while some of my friends don’t quite know me anymore, many have grown distant. But I have found new friends. New positive relationships that help me grow and allow me to continue to develop my strengths instead of squash my light. And my husband has supported and loved the changes in me, building me up every step of the way.
Throughout this journey of finding joy and developing gratitude, I am a better mother, wife and friend. And I am grateful to be reaching and connecting with so many other people everyday.
Allowing myself to be vulnerable through my words, I have given myself a chance to rediscover a freshness to life and find new purpose. I only wish everyone could find peace like this.
If you have questions about getting sober or need advice about the process, please reach out. Are you sober curious? 5 days sober? 6 months? 25 years sober? I want to hear from you. I want to connect. Please comment in the section below and let me know where you are on your sober journey. I can’t wait to hear from you.