When people feel the need to justify their drinking to me...
Updated: Oct 16
I don't really care if you're still drinking. Or how much you drink. Or if you still have a positive relationship with alcohol. If you or your friends enjoy getting drunk and having fun on the weekends, then that is your choice. There is no judgement on my part. I know though, that it did not work for me. Alcohol dragged me down a dark and dangerous path, and it got to the point where I decided it couldn't be in my life anymore. That is my story. That was my choice. And I'm fucking proud of it.
When people talk to me about their drinking - those that still choose to imbibe, and they try to explain that they don't drink during the week anymore, so they are okay, I just smile. Or if my friend tell me that they only have a few drinks on weekends now, I give them a thumbs up - awesome! I don't mind what other people do, because it's not my business.
It is almost as if some people look for my stamp of approval, because they want to make sure I don't think differently of them for continuing to drink. I only care how my drinking was impacting my family, and I can't pass judgement on anyone else.
So why do I talk about my drinking so much if I don't care about what other people do? Why do I blab about my story and make it everyone's business? ha! Well, I want the people that are in fact quietly suffering, trying to convince themselves that their drinking is not a problem, to know that they aren't alone. I want those people to know that voice inside their heads begging them to open that bottle of wine on Wednesday night at 5pm can actually be stopped. Because I know there are people that are struggling, just as I was for so many years. I want all of those people to know I'm here. I will listen, if you want me to.
You don't have to have those inner battles week after week. There is another option altogether. For so long, I didn't believe that sobriety was a legitimate choice for me. I was scared of letting go of alcohol. I didn't know I could live a more fulfilling life without it. I truly believed that if I didn't have booze in my life, my life would end.
I continue to tell my story everyday and put myself out there, so mothers just like me can see through the darkness. There is freedom on the other side of that murky fog.
If you are nursing a hangover today and trying to convince yourself that it isn't that big of a deal, because everyone else is doing it - I see you. If you're trying to justify your behavior by saying that you won't drink until next weekend, I see you. If you woke up this morning early and worried about how you acted last night, I see you. If you tossed and turned from 3AM on - I see you. If you scrolled through your texts first thing this morning, trying to remind yourself of what you said late night to friends, I see you. If your night ended in a blackout and you don't remember paying the babysitter last night, I see you. I have been there. There is another choice.
Shoot me an email and we can chat. There is a better, more joyful way to live.