Selflessness... December 9, 2020
Updated: Sep 2, 2021
I always get super motivated after doing a peloton ride with Ally Love. She talked about the virtue of selflessness today and the need to do something for others to make yourself a better, more whole person. Again, she spoke to me. I thought about how I have been doing so much for myself these past two weeks, but how I would like to be able to help others experience what I have been feeling. I know I am early in my recovery and I am probably on the pink cloud, but I can't stop my thoughts... I wrote about how a year or so ago I felt like I lacked purpose, and I was floating along unsure of my path and where I was headed in life. I feel like maybe this could be it. Maybe I was meant to head down this road of despair and take this journey and eventually, hopefully come out on the other side helping others find sobriety as well.
I often think about how I feel so alone in my community here in Needham, and that I have been searching for help and comfort on the internet through national groups like TLC. The only local comfort I have found in sobriety here in town are two friends, that are not super close - but WOW - have they been a source of comfort. Those two girls were the first people I texted on November 29, the morning I decided I needed to get sober, at 5am. They have since texted me almost everyday to check in on me, which has been a saving grace. It is hard when very few people who know you know exactly what you are going through.
And then, I think about the Sober Mom Squad, which is another support group that I just joined online yesterday. This is a support group which is almost identical to The Luckiest Club, but they are aimed at mom's struggling with alcohol addiction, moms that are already sober or those that are sober curious. This is very much my wheelhouse, since it is geared towards ladies that are in exactly my boat. This community is a little scaled back in terms of recovery advice, and the talks seem more about parenting and the ideas that "we are all in this together!" The therapy and coaching seems to be a little more subdued and laid back compared to TLC, but I think I may find more connections with like-minded, similar woman. I really enjoy the things the moderators have to say on TLC, but some of the things the other members are dealing with are a bit heavier than my issues. I digress... My point is, we don't have any kind of mom's support like the Sober Mom Squad here in Needham, not that I know of at least.
My mind is spinning, but maybe eventually, after the new year when everyone thinks they need a sober January, maybe I need to put myself out there to the community and start a mom's group. Start small with a book group with my two sober friends, see if we can grow it. Eventually, it would be great to create some sort of support group here in town, because goodness knows we need it here in this community. I know that would require letting my guard down, putting myself out there and a lot of discomfort and letting go of a shitload of shame, but perhaps that is exactly what I need in my recovery.