It's really hard to get into a routine during the summertime when the kids are in and out all day and while their schedules change each week. Hockey camp this week. Flag football camp the next. If it's raining, that means early pickup from camp one day or maybe a playdate is cancelled at the pool because it's thundering. It requires a lot of flexibility, and it can be exhausting for someone like me that thrives off of routine.
I am a planner and always have been. I have to prioritize time for self-care to make sure that I am nurturing myself, so I have the energy and patience to nurture these children. I have been waking up early in the morning to do my writing and to have some time to myself. My writing is meditative and it sets me off on the right path for the day. A year ago when alcohol was my priority, I never was able to get up at 5:45AM.
There are times when I feel so depleted emotionally and physically, I don't have it in me to be there for these kids in the way they need me to. Some days are just more tiring than others and I just don't have it in me to play camp counselor 24 hours a day when it's been raining for 15 straight days. So sometimes I have to be easy on myself on those days.
I need to remind myself that at least I am sober, at least I am not hungover. At least I am not craving booze and counting down the minutes until my next drink and exhausting my energy that way, like I used to. I am tired and drained but not for selfish reasons, and it feels good knowing that.
Sometimes I need to practice a bit more self-compassion when my day just doesn't go as planned. I need to remember to be kind instead of judging myself when I feel inadequate or fall short. I can be so very critical of myself. I have to remember that all moms go through this and I'm not alone in this. Especially all moms that are working through recovery and walking the path of sobriety. I have done hard work and I continue to do it everyday.
Best of all, I can look myself in the mirror after a long, exhausting day with my family and know that I am sober, regardless of whether or not the laundry is folded or if they ate Mac 'n cheese again for the third night in a row. 234 days sober...
