I remember every year at about this time, feeling incredibly low, when alcohol was still a part of my life. After Christmas was over and all the big parties had happened, there was a let down of sorts. I felt that all of my hard planning and huge efforts that went into making everything special and perfect for the kids didn't quite meet my standards. It always seemed as if I had fallen short in one way or another, and I could never exactly articulate why exactly.
Why did I feel like nothing was ever good enough back then? Why did I always feel unhappy? Once Christmas was over, why was I so depleted? Empty. I felt like a failure as a mom, even when my kids were so happy and well loved. They were so well taken care for, and I felt ashamed. I didn't want to tell anyone how awful I felt inside, because I wasn't supposed to complain. I had it all.
In retrospect, I know now that all of those feelings were because I was drinking so much everyday. I was using alcohol to escape. I was running from something, and I didn't even know it. I was waking up hungover, day after day. The hangxiety was robbing me of appreciating any goodness in my life. I couldn't find any magic in the holiday anymore, and I felt lost by the time this awkward in between week between Christmas and New Years rolled around.
So often we joke about using this week before January to just let it all go - drink your face off and have fun before the New Year's reset. I fully embraced that mentality back in the day and used it as an excuse with my husband and friends to day drink all week. It was a terrible way to end the year, and I remember some of the darkest days of my life during these weeks in December.
If you are feeling lost in the darkness, please reach out for help. There is so much freedom and beauty in the light. Contact me today - I love chatting with my readers. Let me guide you out of there and help you. If I can do it, you surely can too. Even if you are planning to start the stop in January - good for you. Let's make a plan. I love planning. I am a huge planner... let's do this... email me: kbkearns@gmail.com
And perhaps start by reading my book: On the Edge of Shattered - quit-lit is a great way to dip your toe in the water and begin to get comfortable with the idea of sobriety. Also available in audiobook !!
