I have a whole lot on my mind today. It's like the fog has been lifted again. Perhaps this was due to a few nights of bad sleep, but last night I slept 9 hours and I feel a bit normal again.
I attended the TLC newcomers meeting this morning and some of the ladies shared some things that got me thinking. These meetings are about holding ourselves accountable.
"Relief is temporary, freedom is forever." This was something Vanessa said to us this morning and I really appreciated it. This is something I need to constantly remind myself, that this is a journey and I have chosen freedom. So while, other may do dry January and choose to moderate and while this makes me frustrated, I know that I am free. And focusing on other friend's negative energy does nothing for me. This is about bettering myself and escaping temporary relief. Freedom.
This topic of the meeting took a turn and a couple of the women began to discuss their husbands role in their recovery. One woman just now told her husband she thinks she has a problem with alcohol after weeks of being sober, and he did not react as she had wanted. He was unkind and angry about it. Another woman said that at the end of this journey she may consider divorcing her husband. And lastly, another said that her husband encourages her to drink so she is having a hard time getting any consecutive time sober.
All of this made me realize that I am lucky. I am lucky to have Evan by my side and supporting me throughout every step of this. He understands and is my biggest fan. He has been so understanding and loving through this entire process, for years it seems, so it makes me happy to know that I am not having to deal with the issues these women are facing on top of everything else.
Lastly, I learned yesterday that one of my friends' mothers died unexpectedly. She had been sick with Parkinson's for a while, but she took a turn recently and passed away a couple of days ago. This is heartbreaking on so many levels, but it makes me think about my own mother. I feel so sad that I cannot discuss with her this life changing and monumental time that I am going through. Everyday I ask myself if I am ready to call her, but it seems like I may never be. And because of this the gap between us widens.