Today is the day!!!
Updated: Nov 24, 2022
I concede to the fact that I am powerless over the thoughts and actions of others.
The truth will set you free.
I am not responsible for the response of others.
These are the mantras that I have been repeating in my mind over the past few weeks, gearing up for the release of my book, On the Edge of Shattered.
Well, the day has arrived. My story is now out in the world. There is no turning back, because my book has officially been launched. Boom.
I truly never thought this day would come, yet I always hoped I would find the strength. I really never believed I could get here though. By the end of my drinking days, I doubted my ability to do anything more than change diapers or drive carpools.
Years ago, before we got married, driving along Route 1 in Ogunquit in Maine with Evan, I told him I wanted to write a book someday. It was a faraway goal. Something I pictured for myself later in life. I never truly believed that I was smart enough though. Brave enough. Strong enough. Vulnerable enough. Good enough.
Writing has always been a release for me. An outlet. Ever since I was a little girl, I have found joy in it. I remember writing my first book in Mrs. Farrell’s 1st grade class about my canopy bed. Some of the moms even went as far as to stay after school to “publish" them for us with cardboard covers and spiral bindings. I was so proud of that book.
When I walked into Jenny Boylan’s creative writing seminar that fall semester at Colby my sophomore year - I sensed something. There was a power and courage coming through in her voice, because she was telling her story. Bravely and unapologetically. I admired her, and I just knew I was destined to do something, at some point with my writing. Since that day, I have felt this need to share my ideas with the world. I believe I have always been a writer, but for so long, I hid behind the self doubt and fear of how others perceived me. Who would listen to me? Who cares what I had to say?
Today, I have a new found confidence and more self-love than ever. I have grown tremendously in the last two years. I believe that I have something to offer and that I am worth listening to, because I am no longer scared. No longer hiding. Today, I am an author.
Years ago, back at Colby, if I could look into the future, I would have felt sorry for myself. My immature brain would have looked ahead with pity at my sober self. I never would have believed the road I would need to travel to bring me to this point of growth - the point of finally understanding my worth. All the years of bottled up sadness, disappointment and destruction that I would need to endure. All the self loathing and anger would come exploding out eventually to bring me to a better place. All of it now has fueled me years later to form my emotional truth and express a vulnerability I never knew I could.
So I have done it. I have released my truth. My story. My book is out there's and I feel a sense of authenticity that I have been craving my entire life. Because now I am no longer hiding from myself anymore or from the people in this world. I am proud of myself, and there is no self-pity or sadness. I only hope to help others, just like Jenny Boylan did, and all the other brave women before me. Laura McKowen, Glennon Doyle, Holly Whitaker, and many more. I want my story to inspire and serve.
I now must remind myself though that it is in the truth that I am most free.
There is no more numbing. No more hiding. My life is literally an open book. Telling my story was challenging but I think it would have been a hell of a lot harder trying to run from it for the next 40 years. It no longer has a hold on me. It is no longer buried inside me. It can’t hurt me anymore.
The opinions of others trap me and hold me down, but it is in the belief of myself that I am finally able to breathe.
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” -Brene Brown
My book is backordered for some, but it is available for $.99 as an ebook now on all platforms! Please purchase and start reading today! ALSO! As soon as you get a chance, please visit Amazon and leave a review, it would mean SO much to me and is extremely helpful for my sales as an independent author. Thank you!!