I feel like every holiday brings about moments of self reflection. I think back on how I used to spend this special day when I was drinking. I always used this holiday to avoid my duties as a mom, get drunk and act irresponsible and immature.
Evan was always great about letting me sleep in, taking the kids for the morning so I could have some alone time. Especially when they were babies - I cherished that one Sunday morning that I could be lazy and watch tv and in turn nurse my hangover without guilt. We often went to brunch or a friends house and started drinking around noon and it was a free license to drink for the rest of the day without judgement from Evan. All my mom friends got together and we just fed off of each others energy.
I remember going to brunch at a friends a few years ago and then heading to the kids soccer and lacrosse games in the afternoon around 4pm. I was extremely drunk, walking around the sports fields with a bottle of wine in my purse, thinking it was the most fun I had ever had. But there was a moment at the lacrosse game late in the afternoon where I looked around at the other parents on the sideline and realized I was the only one that was drunk. I felt so stupid. I was the only person that brought wine to the game. All my friends had gone home. And I felt really awkward and just so badly about myself.
The self- loathing and depression I felt the next morning after spending that Mother’s Day drunk, in and out of blacking out, was an awful feeling. I didn’t even remember seeing my kids play their sports, as I was so focused on myself and my drinking.
Today, on this Mother’s Day, it is my second one spent sober. I woke up and worked out early. And now we are together in the car on an adventure. And we are spending this special day doing something so exciting. And alcohol will never ruin this day again. Stay tuned… ❤️
