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  • Kim

A trip... goodbye friends

Updated: Sep 1, 2021

I have packed my bags, I have put on my coat and I am about to head out. On a trip perhaps. It is a new journey I am told.

Into the night. The darkness. The unknown.

All there is to do now is get in the car, Kim. Let's go. Time to take off. Time to head out. Turn around and don't look back.

But for some reason, I am stuck here. Waiting. Watching them all.

I stare at my friends from the front steps, peering at them from outside the glass door. These people that always presented themselves as "my squad," and the ones that apparently had my back all these years. My back that now stands alone against the dark of the night sky. I wait in the dim light for the car to pick me up and take me away from here. Watching. Wondering if anyone will notice me. Waiting for them.

I am ready to go. I want to go. I need to leave. I have been preparing and readying myself, and I want this.

I am happier than I have ever been because I have been questioning myself for too long. My bags are packed. I am ready. For good perhaps. And I cannot wait for what lies ahead of me. Life has never been sweeter these days.

But something keeps me rooted here, watching these people. I am intrigued. What keeps me here? Why can't I move?

When will I come back? That I don't know. Maybe never. I stand watching them all laugh and talk over one another inside. I see them gathered around the kitchen island. Am I missing out?

I am leaving, and no one wants to say goodbye to me. Do they even notice that I am gone? The conversation is the same as it was last weekend. Gossip. Laughter. They retell the same stories over and over again. The same lack of substance. The same chatter. The same unkind words. They tease one another and make fun of the people that aren't there. Empty conversation.

I listen and wait. Will someone notice me peering in. No. No one looks up. No one sees.

My car arrives and I quietly place my bags in the trunk. It is time to go now. Time to leave this crew behind. I am excited and grateful, but there is a tiny part of me that aches. The faces do not turn and the laughter only increases. It hurts. The sadness envelops me, even though I know there are better things waiting for me on the other side. Saying goodbye is never easy.

The car ambles down the driveway and we pull away into the night, away from the warmth and familiarity of all I have ever known. But there is comfort in the darkness, the unknown and in whatever lies ahead for me.

Look for people that make you the best version of yourself, they say. Not all friendships are meant to last forever.

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