I am 500 days sober today. I happened to open the app that counts my days and it was on 500. I stopped keeping track a while ago, because I don't feel the need to count every second. Every minute. Every day, week or month anymore. I am not white knuckling my way through my days, just trying to survive without alcohol. That isn't me anymore. I am finally living my life. I am at peace. I am happy. (We also reached 5k listens on our podcast this week!) I never thought I would ge

I have been sitting outside this week in the afternoons on our new Adirondack chairs down by the river before the kids come home from school. It has been beautiful spring weather. Both today and yesterday, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping and it couldn't have been more lovely. I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of the sunshine on my face. I listened to the neighborhood owl hooting in the distance and the woodpecker in the tree above me. It felt relaxing and sere

My daughter started wearing my perfume this week. She not only sneaks into my closet and tries on my shoes and all of my jewelry, but now she is starting to smell like me too. I love it. She emulates everything I do, right down to the way I talk and walk. She wants to be just like her mama in every way. She is always watching my every move. The way I interact with other moms, the way I speak to her father and brothers, and the way I carry myself - she is always watching me. O

I sometimes need to remind myself, that others might benefit from hearing my story. There is no courage, growth or intimacy without vulnerability. There is no progress without vulnerability. That is where true authenticity is born. That is real freedom. I have taken huge steps towards being more brave in my day to day life. I have tried to work towards being a better person. I have focused on the relationships that matter to me. I am doing all of this because I am allowing my

Yesterday I received a call from the principal regarding my son's behavior at school. It was an eye opening conversation, and I ended the day exhausted and frustrated. I feel like I am doing so much to be there for my kids these days, but sometimes it feels like everything I am doing is just not enough. Brayden is eleven years old, in fifth grade and learning to push the boundaries more so than ever. He has always been our more challenging child, as he is smart, intuitive and

Parker, my seven year old, had a rough day yesterday, which in turn made my day a hard one as well. I questioned my ability to parent, on so many levels. I questioned my sanity. And at the same time I found myself even briefly thinking about booze at one point. I looked at her and wondered how I created such a possessed creature. This beautiful little child had turned on me. She was acting manipulative. Spoiled. Ungrateful. I had run out of tricks. She was downright mean. By

There is no better feeling than listening to the insulated quiet of the first snowfall of the season. The brightness, the peace and serenity that it brings. The solitude that descends upon us is unlike anything you experience. There is already a lightness when the kids wake, knowing school was called last night. We are tucked away for the day, hibernating like the world is ending in our little corner of the earth. Which feels slightly true, given the covid numbers around here

I was never a big fan of Dry January. Or Sober October. Or any designated period of time that forced me to question how much alcohol I was drinking on a daily basis. I know now that Dry January is a great way to tell how dependent one has become on this deadly substance, and in retrospect, I realize I had my own thing going on because I wasn't ready to face some personal pain that I was avoiding and the struggles I was dealing with. Alcohol was the easiest way out back then.

Happy New Year! For 2022, I plan to take a more mindful approach to my days, knowing that slowing down, breathing and staying in the moment will be key for me. I recently read an article about how to connect more mindfully with yourself and thought some of these tips resonated with me. I took a few ideas and came up with my own plan. Maybe they will be helpful to you. Observe is my intentional word for 2022. My goal is to move away from judgement and to stay in the moment. Mi

Glennon Doyle describes facing your hard feelings in a way that I can relate to really well. She talks about her feelings being like doorbells suddenly ringing and interrupting your life, causing fear and panic. Picture the delivery truck pulling up and ringing your door, what happens once the mailman or UPS guys leaves? You are left with a nice little package. This is how it feels once you sit in the difficult feelings you so often want to run from. So when you feel sad, ang

A year ago today, I woke up early in the morning around 5AM and laid awake in my bed with an awful hangover. Grey light filtered into the room, casting a gloomy glow across the floor. I fought off nausea as my head throbbed, and I tossed and turned, cycling through the familiar shame and self-loathing I often felt by the end of my drinking days. We didn't do much the night before. We had been home with the kids, but I drank a lot. We ordered pizza, but I didn't eat much. Phys

​​One year ago today, I had my last drink. On that day, I was a stranger to myself. Up until that moment, I felt a darkness in my life that pervaded every ounce of my being. Most days, I lived inside a feeling of perpetual gloom, allowing alcohol to dictate my worth. On the outside, I appeared self-assured and at ease with myself, but on the inside I was falling apart. I felt as if I existed nearly everyday at the bottom of a deep, shadowy hole in the earth, staring up at the